Her Name Was Chaos

Short Story.

Chaos was a nightmare. She missed classes, turned up late to appointments. Chaos was chaotic. She lived by her own rules. Chaos didn’t walk or run she floated around like Willo the Wisp. It was though she didn’t have a care in the world. 

But she did!

There was something about her, she was mysterious. Chaos would travel around listening to chilled out music on her iPods while checking out homemade jewellery at craft shows. 

Chaos would buy second hand clothes from all over and always looked great. She seemed to prefer her own company and other girls admired her from a distance. She was 19, athletic thin build but she never exercised. Chaos was beautiful, not your typical stunner, she was quirky and witty. I had spent some time with her in pubs, clubs, classes and the canteen but I didn’t really know her. I’m not sure anyone did, but she was definitely on my mind. 

Why am I telling you this? 

Chaos wasn’t her real name, obviously. This was a name myself and a few friends called her due to her lifestyle. We liked her and we loved her vibe, it seemed to fit in with our life in Brighton. University was great, I think. It went by in a blur. The problem with having a group of students as mates is that every night at least one person wants to go out and get drunk. I was usually up for this, which didn’t help my studies. 

Chaos came out with us on occasions, usually the big nights when a bunch of us went out. When we were all out we would often lose each other and meet up irregularly throughout the night. It seemed to work and Chaos would disappear for ages, usually off her head. 

I had a girlfriend, but I really liked Chaos. She wasn’t exactly girlfriend material, but I wanted to look after her, I was always attracted to fallen angels. I guess I was worried about her, she didn’t have any ambitions or future plans, it was a little strange. 

One day a rumour was going around that Chaos had been arrested. This wasn’t out of the ordinary as we were students in Brighton and she probably got caught with some weed by some bored anal police officer. 

After meeting up with her at the pub she said it was for shoplifting, she’d taken some makeup that she couldn’t afford. However, she had been charged and had a court date. At the time we thought she could have gotten away with a police caution, but we didn’t push her. 

Chaos and I (middle)

Two weeks later she was arrested again, she said she had been hungry and stole some food. All fairly harmless, it seemed. 

Court.

Being students and having time on our hands we thought we’d support her at the magistrate’s court. Oh boy, were we in for a surprise. The magistrates court was a dour place and we had to hang about for a few hours, but eventually made our way into the public gallery. The magistrates sat high on their thrones, judging the plebs.

We weren’t exactly prepared for what we heard. The clerk of the court read out her charges;

“The defendant has been charged with theft x5, being found on enclosed premises x2, theft from person and resist arrest”.

Wow, what on earth was going on, it was like being hit by Mike Tyson. Surely they had the wrong person, it was ridiculous, this couldn’t be Chaos. 

Chaos pleaded guilty to all charges, before being sentenced a man stood up and said they had been working with her to help her drug issues but she had relapsed. The Magistrates took little pity and sent her to prison for six months. Chaos wouldn’t make eye contact with us as she was led away, I could see a few tears running down her face, I think at this point I’d briefly fallen in love with her. I just wanted to hug her and take her for a wonder down the Lanes. 

We left the court and had a debrief down the pub, we were all a bit shaken and a pint always helps. We needed to piece together what had happened. We had a plan; speak to her other friends, her work and try and find her address. 

We paired up to make our enquiries, with a plan to meet in the evening to discuss our findings (down the pub, of course). 

Chaos didn’t have a job, she was fired months ago, she was caught stealing, none of her friends knew much more than we did but we found her accommodation. She was living in squat with several others who didn’t look too well and were economical with their information. We were able to discover a bit more. The problem with drug addicts is that they only think about themselves, their next hit is all that matters. However, when we reconvened we could form some kind of lifestyle that she was living. 

Smack! 

Turns out she was living in a squat with a bunch of musicians/ drug users. They would busk for money and get high at night. Poor Chaos was introduced to heroin and quickly became an addict. It was sort of making sense, the more we drank the more we understood. 

The second hand clothes, the homemade jewellery, disheveled hair, the tardiness , and floating around like a butterfly. She wasn’t floating around in a poetic fashion she was high on heroin. None of us had seen it. The mysterious girl had to remain anonymous because she was leading two separate lives. 

One life was being a student and studying, the other was hanging around with street urchins making money any which way they could and getting high. I was absolutely gutted. I was upset she didn’t trust me but I sort of got it. She felt normal with us, she was a student at university with likeminded people, and we helped her feel normal. 

I never saw Chaos again. I still think about her. There was a story in the newspaper a year later, that she had been imprisoned again, but the publicity was down to her family were.

Her father was a Viscount and lived in a huge country mansion. Chaos had it all, but rejected it. Her mother had died when Chaos was thirteen and that broke her. Her father had paid thousands of pounds on a Shrink but it didn’t work. The family had tried all sorts to help her but Chaos couldn’t be saved. She’d had a good education but she was beaten by the pain, heart broken. 

The last thing I heard about Chaos was from another newspaper article. I was at work on a break, flicking through a red top, and I froze, I couldn’t move. 

The article was about her funeral and the paparazzi went to town taking snaps of the rich and famous who attended. She was only 27. 

Her name was Lily, but she’ll always be Chaos to me. 

I still love you Chaos. 

This story is based on a true events.